The Prophecy and The Darkness
by Tearsofwolves
Summary: Hollyleaf and Bumblekit are trapped underground with about twelve very strange cats. The leader of these cats tells Hollyleaf that she must fulfill a prophcy and destroy a great evil. Will she ever get over her addiction to opium? Probably not...


***Author's Note* This is the sequel to The Day the Earth Had a Hernia, which is a sequel itself. And if anyone was wondering why all the cats have Appleapple in their names, it's a very long inside joke. I hope you enjoy this work of late night boredom!  
**

"Wow! You LIVE here?" Bumblekit mewed in amazement, his tiny kittypet mind barely able to take in what he was seeing. Appleappleclaw's camp was in a huge cavern and it was made up of hundreds of mud huts. "How many of you are there?"

"Oh, about twelve."

"Twelve?"

"Twelve."

"If there's only twelve of you, then why do you need so many mud huts?"

"Oh that? That's just an illusion."

"Illusion?"

"Illusion."

"How did you get an illusion to appear?"

"We slipped some opium into your Wheaties. Don't worry, the effect will wear off in a few minutes. Come on, I'll show you around." Appleappleclaw led Bumblekit into a huge mud hut that had a mysterious light coming out of it.

Inside, a large tom was messing with expensive-looking machinery.

"How is the transfer coming, Appleappleleaf?"

"It's coming along fine," Appleappleleaf mewed, his voice just as high pitched as Appleappleclaw's. "She should be here right about...now!" Suddenly, in a blinding flash of light, Hollyleaf appeared on a large platform in the center of the mud hut.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?" she howled furiously. "I was about to commit Hara-Kiri on myself! I'll never forgive you!"

"Calm down, you're safe now, Hollyleaf," Appleappleleaf said creepily.

"LIKE HELL I'M GONNA CALM DOWN!"

"Nobody here will hurt you, Hollyleaf. See? We even have your friend Bumblekit."

"Uh...Bumblekit's _not_ my friend. I tried to practice my killing on him, but he wouldn't stay still. In the end, I had to decapitate Ashfur oh so boringly. It wasn't very satisfying at all...but, hey! At least I got to experience the sweet, sweet taste of my enemy's blood on my tongue!"

"Y-you ate his blood? With your bare paws?" Bumblekit gasped in horror.

"Psh, of course not, dumb ass. I used a fork. Besides, you don't eat blood. You drink it!"

"Hollyleaf, would you come with us please?" Appleappleclaw mewed calmly.

"Ooh ooh! Can I come?" Bumblekit mewed excitedly.

"I don't give a shit what you do you stupid kittypet," Appleappleclaw growled. "Just stay out of the way and don't touch anything." Bumblekit gave a solemn nod and followed after Appleappleclaw, Appleappleleaf, and Hollyleaf.

Appleappleclaw led them down a path that wound around the mud-huts. They occasionally saw other cats, but it was impossible to tell if they were male or female. Not to mention they all had the same annoying helium voice.

"Hey, what do you guys live off of down here? I mean, there's nothing to eat underground, right?" Hollyleaf asked Appleappleleaf.

"There is an ultra-super-secret underground river not far from here," he replied.

"Oooookaaaayyyy, but what do you EAT? I'm starving!"

"Oh, we require no nourishment. We live off of the power of wanting. Our ancestors said that if you want something bad enough, it will come to you. But wanting is not enough. You must become one with the thing you want. You must feel it. You must taste it. You must smell it. You must get to know it. You must ask it out on a date. You must take it back to your apartment and make out with it. You must have sex with it. You must watch it give birth to your child. You must marry it. You must live happily with it for six years. You must grow apart from it. You must have a bitter divorce. You must have angry sex with it afterward. You must pay child support for four years. You must meet up with it while your child is asleep. You must have a heated argument with it. You must pick up a lamp and bash its head in. You must quickly cover up the crime before the police arrive. You must position its body so that it looks like its asleep. You must leave by the back door so nobody notices you. You must go back to your house. You must move to Alabama to escape the police. You must fall into a deep, dark depression for seven years. You must be found by the police. You must realize that your life is completely ruined. You must think that life is not worth living without it. You must go into your garage and get a rope. You must go into you backyard. You must hang yourself. You must let your soul go to Hell for suicide. You must haunt crossroads in the form of a white rabbit. You mus-"

"Hey, Appleappleclaw?"

"Yes, Hollyleaf?"

"Got any opium?"

"All of your questions will be answered momentarily," Appleappleclaw mewed as they came to a huge mud hut. Inside was a huge tom sitting in the middle of the mud hut.

"Ah...I have been expecting you," he mewed creepily. "My name is Appleapplestar, and I am the leader of this Clan.

"Clan?" Bumblekit asked in wonder.

"Clan," Appleapplestar replied.

"What's it called?"

"What do you think it's called, dipshit?" Hollyleaf growled.

"ZombieCupcakeClan!" Bumblekit mewed in delight, his pathetic kittypet mind almost short-circuiting.

"Close, but not quite. My Clan is known as HerpDerpClan. One day, we shall rule the world. And your Clans will be nothing more than slaves. But now, I must tell you of The Prophecy."

"The Prophecy?" Bumblekit squeaked. "Is that edible?"

"No, you brain dead piece of shit, it's not edible. The Prophecy is so important and dramatic that the "The" in front of Prophecy has to be capitalized."

"Okay, bitch, either tell us about this effin prophecy or tell me where the opium is! I can't stand being this normal!" Hollyleaf yowled.

"For as long as anyone can remember, we have believed that one day, a she-cat from the surface would come to save us from The Danger. Now, The Danger is very, very, VERY dangerous..."

"..."

"..."

"...Are you going to tell us what this danger is or not?" Hollyleaf growled.

"Oh, right, The Danger. Now, for as long as anyone can remember, there has been a terrible danger lurking deep within the tunnels. It is said to be evil incarnate, and it takes the form of a huge black dog with glowing red eyes. Right now, it is chained to the ground, but it's so damn humid in these tunnels that the chain has grown extremely rusty. In a few days, the chain will snap, and The Danger will be released into our camp. Please, Hollyleaf, you must destroy The Danger and fulfill The Prophecy so that we can live our lives in peace!"

"Whatever...so, do you have opium, or not?"

"Yes we do, in fact, we have the very opium that you killed Ashfur for. You see, we only made it seem like Ashfur had stolen your opium. He was supposed to tell you that the opium that he stole from you was stolen and the real thief escaped down a tunnel in the woods. You see, the whole thing was meant to lure you here. And it worked! Except, we hadn't thought that you would actually kill Ashfur..."

"So...where is it?"

"It's in the mud hut across from this one," Appleapplestar sighed. Hollyleaf dashed off, desperate to get high off of opium. "Are you sure she's the one?" Appleapplestar asked Appleappleleaf.

"I'm sure."

"How?"

"Because, I examined a sample of her DNA. I traced her ancestry back about 200 years. It turns out that one of her ancestors is a penguin. And that's how I know that she's the one."

Meanwhile, in the ThunderClan camp...

Lionblaze stared at the moldy daisy, perplexed.

"What the Hell does this mean?" he asked Jayfeather.

"How am I supposed to know? All I know is that a mentally unstable, opium addicted maniac could still be alive and running wild."

"I think she's dead."

"Yeah, I do too. But why a daisy? And why the Hell is it moldy? Lionblaze, we have to get to the bottom of this!"

"Why us?"

"Because we're the only sane ones left! It's our duty to decipher Hollyleaf's dying message!"

"*sigh* Why not? I mean, I've got nothing better to do."

Later...

Jayfeather sat in his den, scouring the dark and disturbingly emo recesses of his mind for any possible explanation. Suddenly, Daisy lumbered into his den.

"What the Hell do you want, Daisy?" he growled.

"Jayfeather, I have mold in my lady parts. Can you scrape it out. With your tongue. Slowly."

"...I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. Now, if you leave now, I'll forget we ever had this conversation, okay?"

"What conversation?" Daisy asked, her tiny kittypet mind on fire.

"Exactly." Daisy turned and headed towards the exit, but just as she was about to leave, Jayfeather thought of something. "Wait, Daisy! What did you say?"

"Jayfeather, I have mold in my lady parts. Can yo-"

"Okay, that's enough, Daisy. Just shut your effin mouth and leave my den." Confused, Daisy turned and left. As soon as she was gone, Jayfeather leaped to his feet and raced out into the forest.

He followed Lionblaze's scent until he found his brother savagely mauling a rabbit.

"Lionblaze! I've finally figured out what Hollyleaf was trying to tell us!" Jayfeather said excitedly.

"Really?" Lionblaze said, his muzzle soaked in the blood of his victim. "What was she saying?"

"Well, the DAISY was MOLDY, right?"

"Right..."

"Well, just a minute ago, DAISY came to me complaining about MOLD!"

"Great crap of StarClan! I think we might be onto something here!"

"Come on, Lionblaze, let's go and investigate some more!"

Meanwhile, at the HerpDerpClan camp...

"Hollyleaf? Where did you go Hollyleaf?" Bumblekit mewed pitifully. "Hollyleaf, Appleappleleaf keeps talking about tampons. It's starting to creep me out!"

Hollyleaf stumbled out of one of the mud huts and stared at Bumblekit crazily.

"Hollyleaf?"

"Yah?"

"What's a tampon?"

"Why don't you eat one and find out? Oh, and Bumblekit?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you get that extra head?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why did they give a hydrogen bomb to a fruitcake like you?"

"Fruitcake?"

"Never mind, just go back to your game of hopscotch." Hollyleaf stumbled away, completely stoned from all the opium.

"But Hollyleaf! I can't play hopscotch!" Hollyleaf turned and looked at him like he was the Anti Christ.

"Why ever not, little Bumblekit?"

"Because I don't have chalk...or thumbs...and I'm not bipedal...and I can't count."

"Oh, we're just full of surprises today, aren't we?"

"No, I left my surprise in Jayfeather's den yesterday."

Two days later...

"Hollyleaf? Where are you?" Appleapplestar called. He stepped out of his mud hut and found her lying on the ground, passed out. Another tom emerged from one of the mud huts and stood staring at the she-cat.

"Oh, Appleapplepelt, just the cat I was looking for. I need you to replace out opium stores with catnip. Then, when she gets high, she'll get crazy hyper instead of just...dead."

"Yes sir, mister Appleapplestar, sir!" Appleapplepelt ran off to do as he was told.

Two more days later...

Hollyleaf walked into Appleapplestar's den, Bumblekit following after her like a pathetic puppy.

"What the Hell do you want, Appleapplestar?" she growled.

"Hollyleaf, you must slay The Darkness today, or life itself will cease to exist!"

"Hey Appleapplestar?"

"Yes?"

"Where did all the opium go?"

"Well, I had one of my warriors replace the opium with catnip. It is a healthier, and more legal, drug."

"Hmm...I guess I could give it a try."

"AFTER you kill The Darkness."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Take Bumblekit with you."

"Why the Hell would I want to do that?"

"Because, I want to see him suffer."

Later...

Hollyleaf and Bumblekit walked down the dark tunnels, using their noses to guide them.

"Hey, Hollyleaf?"

"What is it this time?"

"Do you know which way we're going?"

"Yeah, just follow the smell of rotting meat and the mysterious light coming from that direction. Oh, and the sound of souls burning in Hell. Follow that too."

"Got it."

A few minutes later, they came to a small cave. It was the source of the mysterious light and the smell of rotting meat, but the sound of souls burning in Hell was coming from somewhere else. Inside the cave was a huge black dog with glowing red eyes. It barked and snapped at them, foam dripping from its hideous flews.

"Hey Bumblekit?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember that pill I made you swallow before we came here?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I need you to cough it up. It was my last opium capsule."

"What are you planning on doing with it?"

"Oh, you'll see. You all will. Hehehe!" After Bumblekit had coughed up the opium capsule, Hollyleaf told him to wait outside until she came out. He did. When she came out, her coat was covered with blood and she smiled maniacally.

A few minutes later...

Hollyleaf and Bumblekit went into Appleapplestar's den and were greeted by the HerpDerpClan leader.

"So, I expect that you've slain The Darkness?"

"Oh yeah."

"So...how did you kill it?"

"I wrapped my last opium capsule in bacon and fed it to it. Once it was stoned, I flayed it and used the skin to make this fashionable purse for Bumblekit's queer friend Sol."


End file.
